A favorite quote from Emerson.
Sometimes people are beautiful.
Not in looks.
Not in what they say.
Just in what they are.
Not in looks.
Not in what they say.
Just in what they are.
“
| — | I Am the Messenger by Markus Zusack (via heyteenbookshey) |
When you start to lose your innocence it’s like the most terrifying thing in the entire world. Like knowing you’ve done something you can’t take back and that will be with you for the rest of your life is just so awful. Sometimes I think the guilt is going to kill me but I don’t know how to fix it or stop. When I’m doing it it’s so perfect but afterwards I cant breathe because I feel like I’m ruining myself. I feel like everyone can see right through me that I’m not same.
Right now my two obsessions are Americana fashion and the great gatsby. Oh and my life is completely falling apart too.
oh about that guy…
oh.. umm. so yeah.. last time i was on like we had just started talking and whatevs and i was supa nervous and stuff.. well fast forward 3 and a half weeks and we are together! that’s right offish, fb offish, total couple hanging out with the fam and going places together and making out all the time super cuteness.. ohemmmgeee. hahah so we hung out like on my last day of school for the first time and just watched a movie together and whatever and then we hung out the NEXT FOUR DAYS STRAIGHT. whoo! turns out we hit it right off, the third day we were together he kissed me and since then it’s kinda all we do. he asked me to be his girl like two sundays after that and tomorrow will be a week! eekkk. i’m so excited about it because it’s my first real relationship and i feel like such a baby but it’s really great. except he’s done alot of stuff like drugs and whatnot and i found out he had sex a few times but he doesn’t know that i know that… i don’t really mind though because everybody has a past and stuff, i’m just worried that i won’t be as special to him because he’s been with other girls. oh and just that little problem that he’s going off to college at the end of the summer… but for right now i’m happy that it’s just kinda a nice little summer thing and i hope it continues and i think it will. now for some juicy deets though. the first time he kissed me it wasn’t just a kiss it was like a full on makeout and it scared the shit out of me because i’d never made out with anyone before but now it’s like i’m so comfortable with everything that happens and it kinda scares me because everytime we are together things get a little heavier and now i don’t really feel bad anymore which is scary too. like now he kisses my neck and chest and i do the same to him and our hands have kind of started going all over the place and like i thought i was terrified of penis and stuff but like today we both touched each other and i mean yeah it was over clothes so maybe nbd but i def would have flipped the fuck out about that like 2 weeks ago so i’m pretty nervous that it’s going to get out of control… but i like him so much so i’m pretty conflicted about all this..
where should i start?
so so much crazy shit has happened since i got out of school like i probably should break it up into separate posts or something because it’s just too much. maybe i will.. anyway first off my friends… so here’s the deal with that, last time i was on here i was saying how my best friend was a nasty ass manipulative bitch trying to ruin my life and how i was only going to fake being friends with her so that i didn’t lose all my friends right? turns out that was all a lie, our other friend made up all this shit about my friend to me and about me to her and so we were both hating each other and not wanting to be friends anymore over this crap but then we both just came clean about what we’d been hearing and we were so shocked that this girl that we both trusted would do that to us and we were kinda freaked out about how we almost both believed her and let that ruin our friendship, but then like who would be psychotic enough to do that either? so now me and her are all good, and we just decided to not be friends with that other girl anymore because i didn’t want her to tell the guy i’m talking to bad stuff about me and it really just wasn’t worth it. so this has kinda been a good deal to figure out who my real friends are. but i did kinda screw things up with my friend again becasue i lied to her about going to that guys house and she caught me and i felt like shit and i upset her so much. but thankfully she got over that so now we’re pretty much good. except that she keeps trying to talk me out of this guy by telling me he’s a bad person just because she used to like him but it didn’t bother her then did it?? hmm?? anyway at least everythings mostly back to normal except that she still acts weird about my brother and whatnot but that’s a story for a different day…
